Where Have I Gone?

Today I got a message on my last post made 19 days ago.  The message was from my blogging friend katyoparty over at ArtOutWithYourHeArtOut   The message said: “Where are you?  I’ve missed your posts!”  

What a good question – where am I?

As I pondered what to say in response I rejected all the reasons I might normally give – busy with clients, busy in the art room, busy reading, busy listening to self improvement CD’s, busy with family, busy with Orlando, busy playing slotomania on facebook …….

The truth is I’m not busy, I’m evading.

I’m evading the season, the weather, the emotional pulls that revisit at this time every year,.  I’m in survival mode.

And I’m barely making it.

My work as a life coach means I help others find a path through their troubles, I teach them how to change their thinking from glass half empty to glass half full.  I encourage, I make them exercise their emotional muscles, I give homework and never accept excuses when they try to fool themselves or feed me red herrings.  They tell me I am a good life coach.  I know I change lives, I am their mentor and none of them know when I am wobbly.  I don’t let them see it.

But it’s really hard to coach yourself!

Having chosen to leave my ultra busy and over extended previous existence to become more quiet and contemplative in my daily life, I live far away from my life long friends and I have no family except my two beautiful and loving daughters.

I’m struggling with a question that goes something like this:  how do I remain grateful for all I already have while wishing for something more?  The longing for my family to be closer geographically tips me out of my contentment with what is.  I become impatient and discontented with my situation.  I lose the art of living in the moment, which is my greatest treasure.

Katy’s caring comment went bang straight into my heart.  It came at a moment when I was feeling especially vulnerable having just read a couple of posts.  One on dealing with loss and the other a really good Johnny Cash quote which hit home quite strongly.  

I was on the verge of making the decision to pull myself up by the shoe laces, white knuckle it and get over myself.  At a time when I felt really alone and really tired of being alone and really fed up with yet another year when the shadows from my past start to gather about and attempt to drag me back to a place I left long ago.

And somehow that question made it all alright.  In this strange and still somewhat alien blogosphere someone notices your absence, someone cares enough to say hey, how you doin’?  And a shaft of sunlight blazes into the place where my heart huddles coldly and reignites it.

Thank you for caring enough to send that message Katy.  I am here, and I will be just fine now.

And I bet you never expected to get a response like that to your friendly enquiry!  🙂

Blogging – A New Community Concept

I finally got around to signing up for the Freshly Pressed  posts – I’m slow on the uptake sometimes, I just live in my own wee world….. It has taken me a while to figure out that some of the bloggers I follow are using the weekly and daily prompts to express themselves, to practise the art of  photography, poetry, writing – whatever it is they are into, and I have been so impressed with many of the posts I am reading on a regular basis.

Inevitably I decided to join in too.

And this has meant that even more of my time has been spent drifting about in the blog-o-sphere getting to know a few more folk, dipping in and out of lives like a ghostly eavesdropper….. sometimes leaving a message, sometimes not.  Sometimes remembering to click ‘follow this blog’ and sometimes not [which I know will lead to a moment of angst when I want to find that post or person again.]

I’m new at this stuff and have been amazed at the world that exists here – I wrote a post a couple of weeks back titled I Like Blogging!  where I attempted to explain all the unexpected delights I was discovering, and now those delights just keep on increasing.  

There are so many interesting people out there – it feels like I can sit in my wee home and meet the entire world!  I’m in danger of never actually doing anything ever again – I may just spend the rest of my days sitting in front of my computer, reading about all the things other people are doing and experiencing!

I enjoy posts from all kinds of people, on all kinds of subjects and I especially enjoy a good chuckle, if not a belly laugh.

But – and now I’m getting to the point of this post – more and more I am reading autobiographical posts that are heart-wrenchingly honest and open and wounded and raw.

I have read posts that leave me sitting silent at the final word, or saying ‘Wow!’ out loud – posts that remind me of – or take me back through –  my own life experiences, posts that make me sit up and take notice, posts that move me to tears.

Some posts deserve slow and careful reading to truly take in the events, to taste the descriptions, to hear the music, to touch the soul of the writer.

All are open and honest and trusting that their words will be read with respect if not full understanding and empathy,  

I read their words and I meet the soul of the writer – the shining being who is suffering or who has suffered, and who is over-coming and is learning and growing and becoming stronger and wiser.

Pain gives us the opportunity to grow and mature and become better people.  Through pain we may learn our life-lessons, to develop our empathy and intuition and perhaps even get an inkling of an understanding of our reason for being here.  Painful events do not define us, it is what we do with those events that we will be remembered for.

This then is the real gift of the blog-o-sphere.  In our fast paced, ever moving, technologically driven modern time when community is fast becoming an endangered concept, and more and more people live outside of the accepted ‘norm’ the blog-o-sphere offers a new community – an enlarged extended family of people interested in people, supporting and caring, empathising and listening to each other.  

So I remain impressed, I am enchanted and most of all I am uplifted to see that here there is a safe platform for expression of personal pain and a community that allows that expression and responds in kind with affirmations, sympathy, empathy and sometimes even [the kindest of] humour.

Rock on bloggers!

And if you knew all this before I apologise for taking up your time – but thanks for reading to the end 🙂

And I promise this is my last post about my thoughts on blogging 🙂

Have a great day and reach out to someone who needs to hear your voice, feel your empathy and touch your soul.

Link

I like to take notice of how I am feeling when I wake up in the morning.

One of the things that living has taught me is that if I pay attention to that primary waking feeling then I can manage the endless crap that tries to take over and fill up my head and turn my day to mush.

Today I wake feeling a familiar feeling, but one that I have difficulty naming accurately.  I

tend to call it ‘hopeful’, though I’m not sure that is altogether the right noun – there is a vague feeling of excitement that generates from somewhere in my solar plexus and skitters up to my heart and makes it sing.  A small upturn at the corners of my mouth is willing me to smile and my body wants to dance.  I feel alive and expectant of good things.  I feel happy!

I have no idea of why I feel this way – nothing untoward, exciting or inspiring is planned for this day.  I hope to eventually escape the blogosphere and make it to my play room and start work on turning a box into a book, and there is more daunt than hope around that intention!

But nonetheless, this is the feeling that I wake with.

I rise at 6 am, it is just dawn, the grey sky lightens while I fetch and carry for Orlando who warbles and purrs his approval and rubs his head against any available part of me – leg, arm, hand – and I know this is why I woke feeling this feeling.  My little fella makes me happy!Orlando at window

I make my morning coffee,  turn on the laptop and settle down to  read my emails.  Good news lurks there, I’ve won not one but two bonus tickets on the lottery drawn last night, another try tonight then!  This makes me happy and I smile with anticipation!

While involved in catching up on news and Facebook and daily bargains the day emerges and my wee house is suddenly flooded with sunlight and warmth.  This makes me happy!

Saving the best to last I eventually arrive in blog heaven.  At first I don’t understand what is happening on Char’s blog – I wonder if WordPress has made a mistake and put my blog title on her blog – I follow it into the sphere and read the latest post from Lesie’s World and see that, bless her cotton socks, the girl has mentioned my post in her post and ‘pinged’ me.  I didn’t even know you could do that!

This makes me really happy!  What a great compliment, what a great way to start the day!

I spend an hour or so, wondering around blogs, I have found another like soul in Patricia Awapara and enjoy time admiring her stunning paintings and reading her book excerpt.  I visit new people and stay awhile with some and move on more quickly from others.  I discover another writer worth following.  Ah, such happiness!

My cat curls up beside me and warbles himself into sleep.  And, of course, this makes me very happy!  cropped-019.jpg

And now if you’ll excuse me, I must get on with my day.  I wonder what will come next?

Thanks for visiting, I hope you are having a great day!

I like Blogging!

I’ve decided I’m liking this blogging thing! And not in any way for the reasons I thought I might when I started ……………….. I started the blog purely to keep a record of the stuff coming out of my play room before it was given away or segued into something other.

Within days it had changed, featuring a post about my drug addicted companion animal Orlando, to the new found pleasure of returning to my long lost ‘old way’ of preparing and eating foods that nurture my health [and are also pleasurably tasty!]  A post about an encounter in the supermarket was my most popular, probably due to its unbecoming title! Then I again remembered my original intention to post pages of work in my art journal – which saw my brief popularity die away at a rate of knots!

Throughout all these weeks however I too have been drifting quietly about in the blogging ether – not just on WordPress either – , quietly popping in to peek into someones thoughts or art work or music or just visiting a while – you may have missed me sitting quietly in a corner of your blog, listening intently to what you have to say, but not yet ready to clear my voice and proffer my thoughts – or I may have just floated on past and not chosen to stay for some reason.

I’ve found myself to be choosy about whom I follow – I’m looking for bloggers who make me chuckle or giggle, or who make me sway to their music or want to join in with their song. I’m looking for inspiration and elevation and aspiration and yes, sometimes even information. What I’m not looking for are the moaners and groaners and wingers and whiners – no – if you don’t like it, do something about it, don’t just sit at your key board and harangue us all. These are the blogs I didn’t visit for long.

And now I’m getting towards my point – I’ve found some interesting folk in far-flung parts of the world – well from me anyway, who lives in one of the furthest flung places known to man ……… where everything is upside down and round the wrong way from the rest of the world – Easter in Autumn, Christmas at Mid- Summer and Mid-Winter in June! In a land where there are no indigenous animals only birds – and many of them now extinct because they were birds who had forgotten how to fly. The rest are pretty much invisible to us as they come out only at night and have to live on protected islands off the main islands due to the amount of introduced feral animals who like to eat our peculiar 2-footed creatures!

A land which many of you who live in far-flung places say is part of Australia – a statement which makes my countrymen and women rear up in horror! [Once I was on an aeroplane somewhere over Europe, and a sweet American man on hearing my nationality asked me if I knew his cousin who lived and worked in Sydney].

So, from my little corner of the world I visit with lovely people who live in exotic or pedestrian places and who write about their lives and their passions and who allow me to pop in for a bit and be touched in some way. My latest discovery is a writer in Jamaica, I also follow a number of artists and crafters liberally scattered across the globe, a gal somewhere in America’s south who keeps me up with country music and related info and a couple of musicians who entertain me with vastly different sounds. An adventurer with a soul and a mountaineer I used to work with. I follow health blogs, music blogs and craft blogs.  I follow blogs about books and blogs by writers, I follow a song writer who doesn’t blog much and I follow a blog about a dog who says a lot. I say little in most of them, just enjoying the range of expression the world has on offer and also the similarity between us all, no matter the age, the culture, the personal interest or the education level.

I am inspired and feel myself once again to be an adventurer in the world. This is perhaps the main reason why I shall now keep blogging. Who knew!!

Thanks for stopping by, and have an enjoyable and well-read day!