Bottoms Up!

So!  I began to get a series of emails from Twitter advising me I had new followers.  This may not be big news to some of you avid tweeters – but to me, whose Twitter account at three years old sported twelve followers and whose only tweets consisted of the automatic notifications made when I posted something on WordPress – it was a bit unexpected.  Especially as they addressed me as Tericia and the new followers were mostly all young Latino looking dudes sporting an arm muscle or a Superman/ Batman, or interrelated Marvel Comics costume.

I assumed, in my all my worldly wisdom, that Twitter had somehow cocked up and mistaken my elderly profile for some pouting Latino looking dudess named Tericia and they’d soon enough sort out their mistake.

Time passed and the emails kept coming, accompanied now and again by a private message containing single words like ‘hey’ or ‘hot’.

I thought I must go check my Twitter account soon as I’ve done ……

So, this morning, with the weather turning wet and cooler again and my plan to plant up the spring garden put on hold, I hunted around, found and opened my Twitter account and was truly amazed to discover a lovely profile picture of a slim, dark haired me pouting provocatively up at my hand held cellphone and my name clearly scribed across the top Tericia McGowan.

Well, I’ve heard of the Mandela Effect and all that, but I didn’t expect to slip through universes and dimensions as a totally different ethnic and generationally nubile and re-named me.  I had a quick peek in the hall mirror just in case – but nope, still Contented, still -er – generationally mature and definitely not nubile!

Tericia had definitely been handed my account – Oh, hang on – I’m slow, but I’m not that slow!  Had Tericia in fact hacked her way into my account?  Oh ho!  Off I went looking for evidence.  Where my nice little bio had once been telling you all about my contented retired, artful life now rested a nice blue link address.

Of course I hit it – don’t be silly, what would you have done?

You could have knocked me sideways with a feather duster!  Or, as my favourite aunt would once have said ‘Well, bugger me!’

It took me a moment to realise that the two beautifully curved and rounded gleaming moons shining out at me was in fact a bottom, an ass as you Americans say; an arse for my English friends; a derriere, a behind, a bum!

Bare.

Naked.

Arched.  Taut.  Erotic.

Well, that explained all the muscles and Superman and Batman and so forth costumes!

There were many photos of Tericia’s bare and tightly bunned bum.  She must, quite rightly be very proud of it.  However she picked the wrong dudess to hack!  This hacking victim is well versed in the sublime art of the ‘Interesting Times Curse’* and planned on putting it to good use.

I battled my way through all the incongruities and inconsistencies of my Twitter page and eventually removed all traces of Tericia McGowan [may you live in VERY interesting times Tericia McGowan and long enough for stretch marks to pit your twin moons!] and reclaimed my Twitter account for me.

Lastly I looked into my ‘Followers’ list.  Almost TWO THOUSAND! Last time I looked it was twelve …………..  And no way – no way Twitter people – to mass eradicate them.  There they were all those lovely young men looking like they might just have emerged from pre-pubescence into puberty; strutting their stuff according to their life view – but all – ALL! – very attracted to the bum of Tericia McGowan.  Not a one of them there to enjoy my journey back into the world of artiness.  [May you all live in interesting times young men! – oh, that’s right you do!!]

So, Tericia McGowan [may you live long enough to see your taut little ass dissolve into a lumpy puddle!]  I had to spend three hours of my life – three hours I can’t really afford to waste at this end of the life spectrum – blocking one by painful one each of your avid rear-end admirers.

I now have twelve followers again.

To any of you who read my blog and who may have come across one of my tweets and who may have inadvertently – or out of mere curiosity hit that harmless looking blue link in my bio field – I hope you enjoyed looking at Tericia’s bare bum – I  suppose you realised quite quickly it wasn’t mine, but were too bemused to enquire any further…..  ??

I’m not at all connected to my Twitter account.  But I have two very kind blog readers who loyally tweet out my posts as they hit the airwaves and who may have helped grow my sudden large following if they have any young dudes on their twitter lists ………  [Just joking Norah and David!]  I hope none of your friends investigated the little blue link under the name of Tericia McGowan.  If they did I apologise! If Tericia McGowan [may you live long and grow some self respect Tericia!] comes back again, I may just have to let her have it!

Still, it’s all done now – I’ve reclaimed my Twitter account and found a couple of other interesting/nice folks to follow too and I’ve got my lovely twelve followers.  One day I might even see the point of having Twitter and go read some tweets.

So, if you’re still with me [well done!] here’s a fun little art journal page to finish off.  Staying with the subject of birds, twitty ones, it features an owl, a bird who is equated with wisdom.  Perhaps he’ll fly over Tericia McGowan and drop a bit on her.  🙂

Painted over black gesso across two pages, with stencils and modelling paste leaves and stars.  The little verse bottom left made itself known as I finished – it’s a bit Roald Dahl-esque don’t you think? I’m dedicating it to Tericia McGowan – enjoy!

Good NightIf you click once on the photo you will see the painting pretty much life size; click twice and you’ll see every brush stroke – or be in Kansas!

Thanks for coming by today, I love that you did!

*Commonly attributed to the Chinese, it may in fact be an American invention. I just found this out via Mr Google – I love Mr Google!  ‘May you live in interesting times!’ usurps any hopes for peace and quiet and ease in the victim’s daily life.  The up-side of this of course is that it is through troubling events that we deepen as human beings through personal growth and through the opportunity to reach out and help each other.

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105 thoughts on “Bottoms Up!

  1. Pauline, I’m sorry that your twitter account was hacked and you had to spend so much time deleting all those eager followers of the naked bum! I’m also laughing here with the humor throughout your post, and the good Lord knows that I’m in need of a good laugh.
    As always, your beautiful works of art brightens the blogsphere.
    Pats for Siddy and Orlando and hugs for you.
    xoxox, Elaine

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    • Hello Elaine! I’m sorry you are short on laughter at the moment – but happy to have provided a bit of cheer. As I’ve said elsewhere in these comments, I amused myself highly writing this post – there’s always a silver cloud somewhere isn’t there……… I hope your sparkle returns soon. Thinking of you!

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  2. Your good night “bubbles filled with moon glow and star light” will keep me company tonight. Thanks for the sweet way you accepted my mistake. xo Sending pats for Siddy sweetie and outstandingly patient Orlando! Hugs, Robin

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  3. So sorry about not proofreading my post, Pauline. What good was a shout outifididnt have the right blog? Thanks for adding the specific link and even though it is three hours later, there is my edited link, too. Maybe here in U.S. no one woke up early on Saturday and missed your post?
    Sounds like your Twitter account has a case of mistaken identity. Glad you liked the post. Taje care, dear artistic and funny friend. 🙂

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      • Pauline, just was wondering if you are from Australia or New Zealand? A photo in our local paper, of a couple who traveled to our Triple Crown harness races this week (called the Little Brown Jug), were from Bendigo, Victoria, Australia. Trevor and Ree Patching. They planned a 5 week vacation to include the Delaware County Fair in Ohio! 🙂

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          • So sorry, Pauline. I often forget what states my friends here on the North American continent are from! 🙂
            The young woman who hijacked your account, can anything be done to ban her from ever doing this again? A fine or something?
            It was too funny in the middle of the message but also how frustrating and no,we don’t have 3 hours to spare for stupid stuff! xoxo

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  4. and long enough for stretch marks to pit your twin moons!] LOL..you make me laugh ALL the time…too funny, I am still chuckling!!!!! Love your art work , but your humor today just was what I needed to start my day before I headed out for a walk-love ya Pauline, you are a gem!!!!

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  5. Lovely art work! And the Twitter saga gave me a good laugh. I’ve never tweeted in my life, and frankly, after that story, have no intention to. 😉

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    • Hello Trinity; welcome and so glad to hear you enjoyed the post – it was a good way to work off my annoyance at the time spent putting it all to rights again. I’ve tried, since writing this, to see the point in Twitter, but it still eludes me 🙂

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      • I understand; that’s why I’ve never gotten into it – until I see the added value of “just another” social media outlet, I’d prefer to invest my time more productively. 😉

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  6. So sorry for all the time and trouble that caused you Pauline, but your post has to be the wordpress post of the year! I’m dying laughing! You are so witty! 🙂

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  7. Oh my gosh, you’ve made me laugh with your story telling!
    And I’m sorry, because I know that you spent 3 long hours setting things to right, but I did indeed chuckle. I can only imagine your face when first you saw Terecia’s non-dimple, not saggy bum, and then the 2000 followers!
    As I write this, it is your birthday. Although I suppose you are waking up to the day after your birthday. Anyway, Something very unoriginal, but hopefully lovely, will be arriving soon.
    Happy Birthday, dear friend.

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  8. I am dying of laughter here at my computer – I still am, and am choking now. You are the funniest! And I love this line: “So, Tericia McGowan [may you live long enough to see your taut little ass dissolve into a lumpy puddle!]” I wish her the same!!!

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    • Thank you Cynthia 😀 I had such an enjoyable time writing this post! Creative Curses are the way out of angst I always think – and that was a particularly brilliant one, yes 😀 I’m glad you enjoyed it too!

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  9. Oh, Pauline. What a pain. Wasted three hours of wonderful crafting time. But you got to craft an interesting and cautionary tale out of it. I wonder did you have to manually remove all the followers. Someone made a duplicate of my Twitter account a year or so ago. I just can’t think what they call it now. Someone who I knew years ago followed me and alerted me to it. I contacted Twitter and they shut it down. I think they can ban the people from opening up other accounts. There was nothing as lewd as on yours, but perhaps they were just working their way up to it. I think they do it to try to discredit the original account holder. It’s an interesting coincidence that this person alerted me, and we have really not been in contact since. If he hadn’t told me, I don’t know how I’d have found out.
    My finger hovered over the tweet button, but I didn’t do it after your warning. Are we following each other? I thought we were. I quite enjoy Twitter, and have met lots of wonderful people there. I check new blogs to read and people to follow. But it does take time, time that I don’t have enough of.
    I love your artwork, the smiling house and the little owl; your Dahl-esque rhyming happy curse, the beautiful trees. It has a special magical feel to it. It reminds me a little of some artwork (though in totally different media) that Jan Pienkowski did for some Joan Aiken stories years ago. I think the house is about to hum a lullaby. Beautiful! Thanks for sharing.

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    • Hi Norah – yes, I had to manually remove each one separately. That was where the three hours [and a slight case of RSI] went 🙂 I couldn’t find any way to let Twitter know until I had finished the whole exercise, then I saw it in tiny writing at the bottom somewhere…….. All is well now however – I follow those I have chosen and my followers are all ‘legit’ as they say. I’m trying to find the time to work out how to use it a bit more – well at all really. And yes, we are Twitter friendly followers 🙂 I am so happy that this art journal piece makes you think of a published artist – that kind of pleases me greatly 🙂 Thank you!

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      • I’m pleased you’ve got it all sorted now. Maybe the art is more to your taste than Twitter anyway! You seem to have a lot reading your post without the need for it. 🙂 Have a great weekend.

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  10. Pauline, I’m so sorry you had this happen; and I am laughing at how you describe what must have been rather unsettling, as well as at your creative responses.

    Have you considered that this may not have been done by a woman at all? It’s very easy to form fake identities online and there have been stories here in Canada of paedophiles, for instance, posing as teen girls in order to connect with potential victims. In the end, though, it probably doesn’t matter; what matters is that someone was unethical and invasive of your private life. If my apartment were burgled, I wouldn’t care that much if a man or a woman did the burgling.

    I was pleased to see the comment about protecting credit cards, etc.; I use many different passwords and I do change the critical ones fairly often, but I hadn’t considered someone possibly hacking one of my online presences and then using that to get to my banking information, and so on. Quite scary, really.

    I love the painting, too. You’ve been doing some lovely work lately, although I haven’t taken time to leave comments. More awkward on my mobile. Fingers too big and buttons too small . . . sigh.

    I guess you must be looking forward to spring there; we are moving toward winter here, of course.

    Big hugs to you and pats for your sweet companions. ~ Linne

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    • Hello Linne – yes of course I know it would not have been done by the named person – but it was so much fun writing the post as if …… I have been given so much helpful information, especially by Ginene, that I am also more informed on the why. It’s incredible isn’t it – such wasted lives these people have! I do feel rather sad for them. I hope you are settling in well and progressing with your sorting and setting up a new life. xo

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  11. I am amazed by people; I never quite get over being amazed at people. I couldn’t figure out why someone would do this and then I read that this can be done through software. Plus….

    “Social media accounts are typically hacked through the usage of a stolen username and a list of passwords in varying combinations to see if a certain one in a list of common passwords will work. If not, then the hacker can try their hand with a more lengthy brute force method, using a program to iterate through EVERY possible combination of characters.”

    Then I read that these accounts are sold for amounts ranging between 12.00 and 365.00. The reason being that people will then try to get more information because some people use the same passwords on all their accounts. Eventually, leading to a credit card number.

    This morning, I received an email and a phone call from my credit card company who said that someone bought a 500.00 television and something else for 360.00 at Walmart in Louisville, Kentucky, with my credit card. I am in Illinois.

    If the card went through, the thief would “pick up” the merchandise. They took a chance that I wouldn’t respond so quickly.

    It is a scary world, my friend, keep an eye on all your accounts from now on.

    I’m glad you added you beautiful painting and calming words to this post, you put out good things into the world. We can’t let the bad get an upper hand. It is wonderful to know that lovely people like you are out there.

    Ginene

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    • Hello Ginene! You have just become my new best friend! Thank you for all this info – I must do some account tending!! I suddenly find it comforting to know that should my bank accounts get hacked into there is nothing there for them to use 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to share all this information – and I am glad to hear your own recent interaction was so speedily resolved. There are some sad folk in the world who don’t know that at some stage karma will hit them in the – er – ass! 🙂

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  12. Oh my, what a surprise you had, indeed! That is, of course, disturbing, but also quite funny in the manner that you told it. I don’t know why people hack accounts, I guess they just get a big kick out of it. When I started my WordPress blog, The Columbian Cuties were among the first followers. They were, uh…models, apparently. I was wondering why in the world they would be interested in following me of all people. Maybe they had literary interests, ha ha. Maybe not. After awhile, they disappeared. On another note, I love your artwork, you have a wonderful style. Now I’m going to look for you and follow you on Twitter 🙂

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    • The Columbian Cuties have probably migrated to Twitter now – the blogging world appears to be so boring in comparison 🙂 Thank you for the follow on Twitter – I am going to try posting something there, just to see if I can do it . I am very happy to hear that you like my artistic attempts too, thank you! 🙂

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      • I’ll bet they have migrated. I think it is mainly the young folks who are Twitter crazy, and I rarely post anything other than my blog feed, but I guess it is worthwhile to capture readers where you can find them…

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  13. Ayayay sorry this thing happened to you Pauline. We aren’t really safe in this big world wide web, aren’t we? There will always be people who take advantage and shame on them for doing that. On the other hand, I applaud you for making the whole encounter so much enjoyable and fun. You made me laugh a couple of times! 😀 And this journal spread is perfect. I love all the brush strokes! And yes, sleep tight little one, you are protected, loved and cherished.

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    • Thank you Carrie – I’m glad I made you laugh, that’s all it was – a bit of a laugh really. Though I feel very sorry for girls who think their social status is enhanced by posting their bare buttocks across the internet. I’m glad you like the spread on the page – it was fun to do. One day I shall try water colours, though I shall not be as proficient as you!

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      • You’re welcome! I think you are patient with your art too. Your works are well thought of, complicated and has a lot of depth. It is not easy to come up with a page with all of those in it. Surely you will enjoy using watercolor. Its just a matter of how loose or tight we want the colors to be. Free form dance or choreographed dance, either or the result will still be good.

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  14. Love the picture. So well done and interesting to look at. Perhaps I am showing my age, but what is the point of hijacking someone’s twitter account? If you feel you just must say or show those things why not be brave enough to do it with your own account?

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  15. I admit, I stay away from more social media…I text lots with my boys and I love my blog but thats about it. My pace of life is so slow I could not handle anymore. I did ?do have a facebook account for a while…but its not for me.
    But how I love your dreamy, pleasant work, so soothing! When is your book coming out?????

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    • Thank you Johanna – I feel more and more as you do. I need to be quiet and quietly occupied these days – my happiness lies in playing around with colour and form and seeing what comes. It’s a quiet life, and a happy one 🙂

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  16. That was a funny post about a bothersome happening. But, who wouldn’t want a taut derriere like your mystery hacker! (Mind you, it sure wouldn’t fit in with the rest of me, come to think of it.)

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  17. While I’ve opened a twitter account, I never use it either. Maybe I should go check it. Little Missy there was probably shocked to find out you were on to her. I also don’t get why she didn’t just open her own account. I laughed and laughed at your telling of this tale. I think of Twitter as being pretty catty as is evident by ding-dong DT’s malarky. Such a buffoon and his followers do fit a particular mould……white, fat, inarticulate and most likely racists by what I hear them say. Women and men ! Stupidity knows no bounds. I can’t imagine who wants to live in their communities anyways.
    On the positive side, you journal page is a treasure. The eyelashes on the windows are a riot! I love them and the little roof that looks like a hat. I’m at my monthly art Journal class tomorrow…squeel, love it xo ❤

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    • I have such fun playing around with all kinds of half baked ideas in my journal – mostly I’m reacquainting myself with all my various media – I’d tended to stay with pens and acrylic paint and papers before – this is way more fun! The only thing I haven’t got a feel for is water colours, soon I must start playing around with them. I’m so busy amusing myself that I still haven’t gone back to the art course I abandoned 18 months ago. That is also on my to do list 🙂 What kind of things do you get up to in your class and do you get time to keep working on the ideas between classes? It must be nice to have some people to bounce ideas off of too – that’s the only downside of online interacting and learning. Please make a post and share 🙂 ❤ xoxo

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  18. I don’t tweet and no nothing about it. Nor Instagram. Have enough trouble with Facebook. I often wonder what goes on in the minds of these people that hack others and put up lewd pictures. Love your creative curse. More than that, your journal page. So delightful and sweet. The little house looks like it’s smiling. Love the face on it and the owl.

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    • I’ve also given up on facebook Marlene, most of it is pretty puerile I found. It’s good for keeping up with friends though ……. I’m a good curser, yes? 🙂 It’s so much more satisfying than getting upset. That page was a lot of fun to make – it is texture rich and multi layered, most of which doesn’t show up in the photo. Thanks for dropping in today – it’s always great to see you come by 🙂 xo

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  19. Oh my what a discovery lol. I don’t twitter so unfortunately I missed the opportunity to see the full moons on your page. Why would she not create her own page, is that what it’s called??? Interesting times indeed… 🙂

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    • Hi Kym – I doubt too many of my followers, if any, saw them – just the young dudes who somehow find bare behinds to ogle…… I have no idea [and really I don’t want to know either]. Why do any of these hackers hack? [May they all live in interesting times] 🙂 I do love that curse!!

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  20. Oh my word! I’m so sorry this happened to you, but I love how you somehow found the humor in it. I hope little innocent Siddy wasn’t exposed to these x-rated Tweets. I love the painting…it’s absolutely beautiful!

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  21. Oh my goodness Pauline, I laughed out loud several times reading this through. You are hilarious! I know it’s not funny that someone hacked your account, but your account of that hack is hilarious. Someone hacked my Twitter account years ago, and started publishing the foulest of four letter words. I was grateful that a friend brought it to my attention.

    I suspect it’s these untended accounts that are most suspect to this nonsense. I’m glad you straightened things out once and for all. Perhaps you can post a quote to your Twitter feed once a month on a scheduled day or share a work in progress (just a corner, not the whole thing) with the hashtag #mixedmedia and a link to your blog. From there you’ll attract the right kind of person.

    Thanks for all the laughs. xo

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  22. Oh Pauline, this was so funny. You should’ve kept quiet about that perfect derrière, your followers may well have been taken in enough to think that all crafters of contentment hone perfect posteriors whilst creating😉
    Seriously though, what a pain. I don’t do Twitter and I’ve just signed up to Instagram but I haven’t a clue how it works or why I’d want to follow a stranger. Isn’t life odd?

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    • Sometimes life is also quite amusing in hindsight 🙂 I have wondered about instagram, but as I don’t use any of my other social media sites much, why take on another……. You are right about the lovely derriere – alas, too late!

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  23. What a charming painting, Pauline!.. especially the little house… and I have always loved all-over deco art patterning. Your twitter story is hilarious; I’m glad you can make comedy out of that ridiculous twituation. I’d say you have a promising future as a professional curse writer, seeing as you are so well able to treat even gawking at glutes with a certain gemutlichkeit. Wonderful post, and a great laugh to brighten my day!

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    • Excellent Cynthia, then my work is done for the day. I was also highly entertained just writing the post 🙂 And I’m available any time anyone needs a curse written …….. Reasonable rates and no guarantees included.

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  24. What a shocker! And just . . . icky. Remember that that long involved Irish curse I wrote about a couple weeks ago? I’m dedicating that to Tericia, on your behalf! (Although I have to say, your curses are quite inspired!!)

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    • I do recall that curse – I was almost going to link to your post but then got carried away with my own 🙂 Some of them are quite good, yes? 🙂 I amused myself highly coming up with them 🙂

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  25. Oh. My. Goodness. That’s pretty wild. I occasionally get a twitter follower that I wonder,”Huh?” But I’ve only blocked a couple who might be able to speak of professional things with Tercia. Yeesh. I do like your painting, especially the little owl. I hope you have no more twitter invasions.

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  26. Even a threat is a blessing when you say it like that Ms Pauline. Glad I haven’t got a Twitter account as mine would have probably been hacked as well. Better head over and check my blog 😉 Seriously, BIG hugs for all of the blocking you would have had to do. It takes a LOOOOONG time to try to fix things like that. You need a cup of tea and a lay down. Excellent work Ms Pauline by the way. You are really very good at what you do 🙂

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  27. Ha! Beautifully deconstructed. I think I’m one of the 12 and haven’t had the delights of Tercia’s Tertiary, now forsworn to me. It’s not happened yet though I do sometimes get these gluts of followers on twitter and when i check their profiles (I always check before any sort of follow back) I am stunned. Of course I’m nearly always checking in a cafe or on the train and hugely embarrassed….

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    • One of the good things that came out of it was I saw I had some followers I didn’t know about – one of which was you 🙂 Did you see I followed you back? [Doesn’t mean anything – I still don’t know how to use the thing] Maybe I need to learn to use Twitter to my advantage, not somebody else’s……..

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