Life Interrupted

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I’m on a roll with my post titles 😀 Because yesterday the bottom fell out of my world.

Up to that point I felt I had some control over my world. That’s always a false assumption though isn’t it – we never have control over outer events. over other people, over the weather or anything really. Sometimes things roll quietly along and we believe we do. Then we hit the bumps like this one, more an unexpected canyon at the moment than a bump, but you know what I mean.

Yesterday, on our local Anniversary Day when everyone in Otago enjoys an extra day added to their weekend, New Zealand was given 48 hours notice that we are going into Lock Down.

I am so grateful to our government that they are acting as soon as they could in an attempt to contain the spread of this virus. But still it sent me into a mild fit of panic – I had to get some things done and now I knew, everyone else would be thinking the same.

Now I had no control over the timing of that announcement, I have no control over all the people who will now flood the stores and services to get their last minute things done, but I do have control over myself.

We are creatures of free will, that is our special gift, our super power. We are the ones who can look at an event and look at our own response to that event. We can step back from the fear, the sense of disempowerment, the annoyance that this or that option has suddenly fallen away.

We can take a moment, take a long slow deep breath – or several if that is required – and we can self assess. Where am I, right now? Am I safe, right now? What do I really need, right now?

Very often – most often – when we take these minutes to self assess and re-centre ourselves we realise that right now, in this very moment all is well with us.

The truth is if it isn’t, we are in action, we are dealing with the crisis, we are running from the tiger, lifting the car off our trapped child, lending a hand to someone else or being assisted by another person.

Fear is the enemy.

This is kind of my process when the bottom falls out of my world. I go through my process quietly – well mostly quietly sometimes there is another step that requires a bit of whining. Today was one of those times.

I am fortunate (I know I say that a lot, but it is true) I whine at my chosen listeners. My two daughters. They are experts now at hearing my whines and redirecting me. They shine lights and solve problems and steer me where I need to be steered. I retreat silently to lick my wounds and take a couple more deep breaths and – there I am. Back again in control of the only thing I can ever be in control of – me.

So this was my process earlier today.

I had raced out really early – breaking my self imposed isolation because in a few days time it is going to be my eldest daughters highly significant birthday and with the country about to go into lock down I did not want her to be without her birthday parcel. Her sister was to fly to Wellington to celebrate with her, but that cannot now happen. It made my quest even more urgent.

I had a plan. I was going straight to the courier depot at first light. I would be home again in ten minutes. I got to the depot and found a closed door with a sign ‘WE HAVE MOVED’ it proclaimed. With no further information!!

WHAT? I cried back at the locked door, where are you? But no one replied.

I climbed into my car and raced a couple of kilometres to the next courier depot. The car park was full. I carried on, ‘I’ll try the Post Office’ I said grimly to Siddy who was happily hanging his head out the window as I raced along, clearly enjoying the freezing cold southerly wind brushing up his whiskers. The parks in the vicinity of the Post Office were all filled, the cars still holding their drivers captive as the PO had not yet opened their doors and would not for a further half hour. I envisioned the mad rush when the doors did open and gloomily carried on homewards, my daughters birthday parcel still sitting equally as gloomily on the back seat.

At home I melted down. All I wanted to do was give my girl a bit of joy on a day that had changed so much for her.

I breathed deeply. I breathed some more. It helped, but didn’t bring me fully into myself. So I opened Messenger, hit our page and whined. I whined about not being able to send my package, I whined about how cold it is and I whined about not being able to place a grocery order online (because the store is overwhelmed with grocery orders)

My girls, champions that they are sprang into action. I was reminded that it wasn’t really that important – the parcel could arrive later quite easily. Danella would do any shopping required in a few days when things quietened down. We exchanged some thoughts about the effectiveness of wearing dust masks in public and whether looking like a tit was any compensation for indeterminate safety and agreed that scarves did as good a job, provided you weren’t mistaken for a bandit.

I was instructed to burn some essential oils, turn on the heating and make myself a lovely warm drink. Obediently I did all that, and enjoyed a hot chocolate in my special cup with frothed milk. I also listened to a brief talk by Eckhart Tolle and then put on some gentle music.

And now here I am – sharing my day so far with you and laughing at myself.

How has your day been?

Here’s Siddy, a photo taken a couple of days ago after his bath when he is all white and super fluffy and smelling delicious

Siddy March 2020

Thanks for coming by today, I love that you do!






104 thoughts on “Life Interrupted”

  1. I think the link is broken on the post you just sent about your daughter’s birth, Pauline. It keeps saying the page is missing. Thought you might want to check. Have a great day! xo

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  2. All the fear surrounding this pandemic was sitting right in my stomach and chest for the first week, but having just completed week three of self-isolation and knowing that we, including my husband and daughter, are all okay takes a huge amount of stress off. Now I just go about my day, work at home, walk the dog, make nice dinners, have a glass of wine at night — I realize that since I am still working from home I have it easier than most who have been laid off or don’t know what is happening with their employment and I am grateful to not have those extra burdens (we’ve had more than our fair share this last decade so I know what that feels like) but also cognizant of how lucky we are. So I send light to the world during my mediation and pray that it all works out in the end. Stay safe, Pauline. The world needs your light. xo

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    • I’m glad to hear you are in safe hands and coming through just fine Pam. I too am among the lucky ones. And I remember to be grateful for that every day. But I read this: ‘Now I just go about my day, work at home, walk the dog, make nice dinners, have a glass of wine at night’ and I love that you can live this way. Then I remembered – this is how I live! It sounded so idyllic to me yet it’s how I live (minus the wine simply because I don’t any more) and I wonder why I don’t realise I live the dream all the time….. Thank you for the reminder – you’re a gem!!

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      • Aw, so glad, Pauline! I am really trying to live day by day mostly so I can stay out of fear, but it’s having this rippling calming effect that is really quite delicious. It’s like, “okay, so that happened. How do we move in from here?” I also feel like the time regained from my daily commute (4 hours) gives me more time for self-reflection and growth. Just trying to find the upside to every day. 😘

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  3. That handsome little man. Well, Pauline, we ARE all in this together. Thank you so much for sharing the feelings and actions you went through when you discovered that you were being locked down. I am reading Camus’ The Plague and just today I read what he wrote about the people feeling as if they were in exile. They, you see, had their town gate closed and nobody was allowed out or in. I am actually finding it very helpful to read the book because what he writes about mirrors what we are going through and it helps to give me a little (removed) perspective, so that I am not always so close to the situation. Does that make any sense at all? Your daughters are quite the blessing! They are so well focused with specific directions. Sending XOXO from Phoenix!!!

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    • Hello Luanne – yes it does make sense. It is so helpful to have a chance to separate from the immediacy isn’t it. I find I instantly become calmer when I step back and allow my wiser self to step forward. It’s remembering to do it when in the throes. Reading, calm introspective conversation and listening to the wise people all help me do this. When we lose the plot we really do need specific directions from those we trust don’t we 😀 Thank heaven for them all!

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  4. I love Eckhart Tolle, Pauline, and I really needed your post. The US is in such trouble and it’s disheartening and tragic. I’m struggling with this. But your advice is perfect and timely. I do have control over me and how I take care of myself, how much information I let in, and where I put my energy. I wish you much joy and good health despite the virus. ❤

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    • Hello darling! I’ve been following my own advice and am feeling more optimistic again. Life is always about changes and some changes are traumatic and devastating and hard – like world wars and deadly pandemics and mad presidents – but they need to be lived through and lessons need to be learned and things will change. Understanding that if we live in a state of peace we can only attract more peace – and conversely fear attracts to us more things to be afraid of – is our important work at this time. I’m convinced of it. And all the great initiates of the world are saying there are more and more signs of a shift in humanity towards the light. Take heart – we are in a process! Be well, stay safe xo

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  5. You, Orlando and Siddy stay safe and well. I’ve had my moments of panic and continue to do so. Breathing deeply, some yoga and lots of candles with a lavender fragrance help a bit.

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    • Yes my goodness you are so right! We have to do all we can to get away from that fear! Lucky me, I purchased a selection of new oils at the beginning of the month and can diffuse with alacrity 🙂 I do hope you are doing okay, I think of you often xoxo

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  6. Glad you are safe, Pauline, and your daughters are keeping you on track. At least us creative people can focus on making things, outside of tuning in to the latest news. Someone mentioned dystopian literature in the comments, which has been a favourite of mine in the past. The closest of these is Stephen King’s The Stand, with a dealy virus of course at centre stage. So many of us in lockdown, spread far and wide, as I check in with some of the blogs I follow. It’s so surreal and has come so fast you can hardly get your head around it. I’m not a believer in the bible as such, but it feels biblical! Hubby and I are in a routine where he’s working in the kitchen and I’m in the small study/art room/admin centre as usual. I’m getting some bits of house decorating done which I had planned to do anyway. The impact comes when we venture out when necessary – not for a look to see what’s happening now, it’s when necessary – that is what the change is for me over the last few days. So pleased you have good leadship over there, there are quite a few countries who don’t! Cheers for now.

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    • I’m busy with home titivating too Lynne – taking time to just potter about moving things from here to there and maybe back again. I love my revamped home and am so grateful how the timing worked out on all that. I’m glad to hear you and your husband are in a routine already. It can be a fraught business having 24/7 with your significant other for an unspecified amount of time. 🙂 As I’m such a natural hermit, this time is like chocolate on a stick for me – I have often wondered how long I would be happy on my own with no human interaction and maybe I am about to find out. Though of course the on-line world of blogging and social media changes that quite a lot. But still, virtual hugs are not the same as real ones.

      I know what you mean by your ‘biblical’ statement. In future eons this too might enter that pantheon of ancient history – plagues, eruptions, floods and other massive wipeouts of civilisations and humanity. I guess it depends entirely on us and what we do in this immediate time and in the years to follow.

      Jacinda is fabulous – I should write a post about her, she leads how a leader should lead. I remember my excitement when she was suddenly propelled into the leadership of her party seven weeks out from election day and I rushed off to get my vote in early just because I wanted her to be our PM so badly and was scared she wouldn’t have the time or the renown to get there. Yet another case of my worrying about nothing! Her term has been replete with the biggest events of this country’s history outside of world wars and with every challenge she has stepped up with clarity, focus, openness, generosity and kindness.

      Oh well, there’s the post 🙂 Be safe, stay well xo

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  7. It’s such a strange, uncertain time. I haven’t panicked, because that does me no good. But I did have one day of deep sadness. I’m doing many of the things you are doing, keeping a fire on cold days, drinking hot chocolate, and listening to spiritual teachers. I can’t write, so that’s upsetting. But I’m just being gentle with myself and others. We are all moving through unknown territory. I wish your daughter a happy birthday. Aren’t we lucky to have daughters? Take care. Be safe. xx

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    • You are so admirable! I chose to panic even though I knew it would do me no good – really though, if I’m honest it was more like a three year old tantrum…….. The admirable thing about me is that I go ‘snap’ and then three minutes later it’s all gone. I’m hopeful that one day I can to the clear bit without the need to go snap 🙂 Not holding my breath on that one though! I have washes of deep sadness, I think that is inevitable given our inclinations. I let them be and let them wash through me. I don’t want to suppress them, for there is truth in those washes. But I do want to retain my calm and positivity wherever possible. I’ve been listening to Eckhart Tolle talking about the presence, the listener and that was a reminder that was really helpful for me right now. I think I want to attempt a painting…..

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  9. Dear Pauline, If you think of the past months you’ve had, you’ll understand that you are a bit on edge. Add that to the coming winter and now THIS. Of course you are going to have moments of despair. Hugs to you, my friend. It helps us all to hear your thoughts because you are such a special person. Thank you for sharing.

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    • Thank you Jodie, that is just what another friend has said to me – and I just needed to implode about something to get myself shaken up and settled down again. Everything worked out well you know. Today the parcel is on it’s way and I didn’t even have to leave the house – we have a courier pickup service that I had forgotten about and I used that. Then spaces opened up so I could place my online grocery order and have it delivered tomorrow and today the sun is shining and its much warmer 🙂 All the things I whined about yesterday – gone!! If that’s not a life lesson I don’t know what is! 🙂 And you say the nicest things – thank you ❤ Stay safe, stay well xoxo

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  10. It’s hard not to panic, everyone does at some point, but as you say fear is our enemy and deep breaths our friend (as long as we’re not within 2m of anyone else). So glad you’ve got your girls to help you through. Give Siddy a hug from me – he wouldn’t have stayed clean and fluffy that long if he was a golden retriever. And a BIG HUG to you too. Stay safe and well xxx

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    • Ha ha! Siddy is definitely NOT a golden retriever. He doesn’t like even clean puddles and scoots around their edges whenever possible. He is not overly fond of cold water and would never consider a muddy puddle. The gr’s he knows are astounded by his lack of adventure, as would Harry be 🙂 Big hugs back Bekki hope you are well and coping with all this! xoxo

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      • Aw! How sweet – and lucky you to have such a clean dog. As for GRs, I love Harry to bits, but he is far to clean for a golden retriever and quite unadventurous. Not like my beloved Mr Hicks 🙂 xxx

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          • No, they certainly wouldn’t. When we lived up country our dog groomer once said he had 10 times the personality of any other dog she’d met. I was so very privileged to know him.
            I’m very privileged to know Harry too. It’s a quieter kind of love I hold for him, but none the less intense. I also sometimes wonder if Harry is Hicks on another trip around – the timing of his conception/birth is uncanny xx

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            • I am very open to these thoughts. Sometimes Siddy looks at me in a certain way and I see my long gone sister looking back at me – it is always just a flash and gives me a moment’s pause. But this makes me think there may be some little aspect of her that lingered and is now mingled within his DNA somewhere…. It’s a not unreasonable thought given the great Carl Sagan once said ‘we are all made of star stuff’ and that has since settled into biological fact.

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  11. It is overwhelming, isn’t it? We are in our second week of lockdown now and the rules just got even stricter last night. I am not used to it yet. At some point it will become the “new normal” but I am not there yet. I am the family’s designated essential errand runner so I at least get to go out approximately once a week. I am also suddenly unemployed since the preschool I teach in is a non-profit. That’s an emotional blow as well as a financial one. It is also difficult to be on a different continent from our families right now.

    All six of us being home 24/7 is an adjustment for sure but I am trying to practice mindfulness and am focusing each day on something for which I am grateful for at this time. My husband can work from home so we at least have income and housing security, which so many don’t; we are all healthy; and we actually enjoy each other’s company and have plentiful indoor hobbies and interests to keep us occupied.

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    • The mere fact that you enjoy each other’s company will see you through – that is just the best thing! We both got our renovations done in time so that is a double blessing. I am sorry about your school and hope that you will be able to return to that when times are better. There will be much making coming from your nest – I look forward to seeing the posts 🙂

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  12. Pauline, even though I’m used to working alone at home, I, too, have had to adjust to the lock-down. It has disrupted my thought processes and writing schedule. Interestingly, my problem today was also post office related. Now that people my age have been asked to self-isolate, I had to ask my son to take time out of his busy schedule to mail a package for me. But, we’re both fortunate in having children who look out for us and calm us down when we become stressed out 🙂
    Stay safe and well ❤

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  14. Aw…you’re such a good Momma, Pauline. I can picture you and Siddy racing down the road to get the birthday gift to your daughter. I’m sure she appreciates it. “Fear is the enemy.” So true! I read something recently that said “Both faith and fear will sail into your harbor, but only allow faith to drop anchor.” Thanks for sharing the lovely photo of Siddy. He looks handsome as ever and he doesn’t seem to have a care in the world! I think you’ll use this time to create more beautiful cards and crafts. I plan to write more books! LOL! Take care of yourself, friend. ❤

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  16. Your early paragraphs are so wise; your panic absolutely understandable. As you know, I am so sorry that you are experiencing this in winter. Incidentally, we were given no notice about our lockdown – announced and came into force last night – the government had no option after many thousands ignored advice. XXX

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    • Our PM has stated really clearly that every time someone goes out into the community and then gets sick we put the clock back to Day One again…. And the numpties are still gathering and partying and travelling in hordes. They are the danger to everyone else’s well being I think.

      I don’t know if no notice is better or worse than 48 hours. I think this has been the longest 48 hours of my life even now when the panic is over and I am calm again, it seems to be dragging on and on.

      Stay safe, stay well xoxo

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      • Unfortunately police can only persuade until the regulations become law, which will take another day. Last night 20 people with a toddler refused to break up a barbecue party. It only stopped when the police tipped it onto the ground.

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        • We have a declared state of emergency and something else I can’t recall the title of. There will be police and army personnel on the ground meeting folk who are out and about and giving clear direction. I’ll see how I get on tomorrow morning when Siddy and I take our early morning walk. We are allowed/encouraged to keep a daily walk going, we are not allowed to stop, sit, or visit a playground. Nor walk with others. It’s all very clear and we have been told why these restrictions are in place. You’ve got to be an idiot to refuse to follow the guidelines. Your police people must have been mad as all get out to tip the bbq on the ground – good on them! I imagine there will be a bit of that going on around here as well. I’ll see you tomorrow morning xo

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  17. We all have those melt down moments, life has changed, and even when we know things are going to happen, it’s still a shock and they never happen quite how and when. We are so used to be able to do what we want and when we want it completely throws us when we are told No. I am so glad you have wise and sensible loving daughters to turn too. Stay healthy- the rest can wait. xx

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    • Quite so Cathy. You just know don’t you, when having a little tanty that sanity will return and everything will turn out to be nothing…. Today all my problems were resolved within seconds simply because I had let them all go. The parcel is on its way to my daughter – there is such a service as home pickup from courier companies that I knew about but had forgotten completely… I was able to place an online grocery order which will be delivered tomorrow and today is warm and almost sunny 🙂 Nothing to worry about here, all is well in my world! xoxo

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  18. Dear Pauline, a large part of the population of the planet is (or will be) in the same situation of “total closure”. And believe me, it is the only way to stop the advance of the virus (SARSCoV-2). China had done the right thing, followed by great delay by Italy which is having an impressive number of deaths. Here where I live, right on the border with Lombardy, we already have 1165 cases ascertained and it is a very high number, considering that throughout Switzerland there are 8,820… and every hour they increase.
    A complete shutdown of a nation (excluding health and vital procurement services) is the only solution.
    It is difficult to accept this exceptional measure, but governments do it to avoid the worst.
    Here in Ticino (southern Switzerland), the health system is about to collapse as there are too many cases that require intense treatment with respiratory equipment… and there are no more available. As well we don’t have enough medical staff, the reason for which even my son in the 2nd year of medical studies, has been called to give his help at the local hospital where the infected are (EOC Covid-19 center) are increasing day after day. If someone has a serious accident or needs to undergo an urgent operation that requires respiratory support, there are risks of survival. And the same thing is already happening in many places in Italy.
    Then it is clear, it depends on nation and nation, how it is dealt with economically. With us entire companies have had to close, others can provide services through the Home-work.
    Our government will donate billions of francs to help everyone, but later… it will never be the same again. We all also fear the “after” with a strong recession which we will have to overcome with great willpower. But humanity will be strong, and together, we can do it.
    As strong as this statement is, I think it is an atrocious and frightening lesson… we hope that everyone will be able to draw conclusions so that it will help to improve for future generations so that we can start protecting our planet. By any means, and with the right portion of love.
    A hug, you will also make it in New Zealand!

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    • Thank you so much for this informative comment Claudine – it is invaluable to me and to others who read this post I am sure. I agree with everything you have pointed out about the processes and the ultimate costs. I bear a strong wish that when this is over we do not return to normal – or seek ways to return to normal – but that we look to see how we can make our world a healthier and safer place for all peoples and for our Earth herself. xoxo

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      • Sure darling. And we are at the forefront: we must lead by example, instill hope in skeptics, show that we can change “the way” by using compassion and love for all living creature (and Nature). Since I follow the Buddhist philosophy, these are for me considerations on which my every day is based. I have faith in the vast majority of humans, but unfortunately we have “bad apples” everywhere. The thirst for power and money spoils good intentions.
        As long as it is not realized that we are ephemeral and that our life will one day end and that our karma (the law of cause-effect, that is “how it is sown will reap”) will mark what we deserve, here everything is from be written.
        So, we have a great job to do, for the whole of humanity. Thanks for the support, a big hug, namasté :-)c

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  19. Ah the coronamadness! Good to have sensible children. I have the Textiliste as the bellweatheter to my bellend inclinations. We’re in the same lockdown and it is very difficult to work out what we can do and when. Despite the big supermarkets being stripped by numpty hoarders we have a lot of little general stores and greengrocers who still supply our needs. So I guess we will manage.

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  20. Eloquently written as usual Pauline. I’m glad you are a ‘fluffy white cloud’ again after your understandable meltdown.
    We’ve been in lockdown for exactly a week now here in France and the U.K. – where my two daughters are – has just announced that they are too, from today. Even though they live very close, you aren’t supposed to visit family or friends and I was hoping that they might move in together as the younger one is a little vulnerable (Aspergers) but I’ll have to wait for the eldest to offer. I have ‘gently’ and lately ‘slightly less gently’ suggested I but can’t force her. If it wasn’t for this worry, I have Mr. T. here working from home, my dogs to walk on our large plot, sufficient food and lots of fabric and yarn so I am thankful for that – although I dread losing the internet but I’m not going to think about that.
    Virtual hugs to you, Siddy and Orlando xox

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    • Oh dear – it hasn’t crossed my mind we might lose the internet! I hope we don’t, but now you have mentioned it I realise it might be a possibility….. It will be a trying time for you with your youngest isolated, and for her too I imagine. Changes aren’t easy for us ‘normals’ let alone those on the spectrum. Maybe her sister will come through for her, or she will manage extremely well and you will wonder why you worried…. I’m sending you extra best wishes and love and care to share with the lovely youngest Mlle T ❤

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  21. You are a trouper and I can imagine you flying down the roadway with Siddy hanging out the window so joyfully, oblivious to what lays before us meer humans. I of course had heard your news and immediately thought about you all. I’ve been keeping rather busy and also enjoying my essential oils. The air here is still very chilly, but I stand at the west window in late afternoon and breath deeply. I’m not one for meltdowns but I’ve also never been so stuck in one place for so long. So I’ll have to see and report back. Maybe in a month I’ll be a raging lunatic, covered in glitter and sequins (lots of crafting in the works) LOL! Good Luck with the lockdown dearest! Who knows, maybe this will be the time to create some kind of masterpiece in the art room 😀 ❤ ❤

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    • I can well imagine we will all be challenged through this process, even those of us who don’t mind being left alone for long periods. One of my secret wishes was always to be left alone until I decided I had had enough and I was curious to see how long that might be. Perhaps I’m about to find out 🙂 I can see you covered in glitter and sequins and surrounded by so many beautiful pastel shades all settling into fabulous layouts……… Here’s to us all. that we get to create our own little masterpieces ❤ Stay safe with your Jim and your kitties xoxo

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  22. It’s as if this situation just continues to get bigger and more scary for us all. I do admire your PM, who has done a remarkable job as usual. Take care, listen to your beautiful and clever daughters and look after yourself.

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    • Yes, it’s certainly challenging everyone. I’m okay now – I amused myself highly writing this post – it’s always good to see yourself acting like a spoiled brat isn’t it 😀 Back to being, like I said elsewhere in these comments, a fluffy little cloud floating in the sky on a summer day….. until the next time I decide to have a panic over something not altogether life and death important. My daughters are a boon 🙂 ❤

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  23. First a hug. (((Pauline))) I feel your angst, and understand your sense of urgency. Of course the package can arrive late and the world will go on. But that lack of control over the mundane, like mailing a package, can suddenly feel so monumental. There’s an understandable sadness that the girls won’t be together, and a sadness, too, that the parcel won’t arrive for her big day. I think it is human nature to focus on the minutia, because focusing on the bigger issue, like a PANDEMIC, is overwhelming. I’m so glad you shared your feelings here, Pauline. I could hardly catch my breath reading it, as it captures so much of my own angst during these difficult times.

    Here’s one more ((((Pauline))) before my head hits the pillow. My immediate goal is to try to sleep through the night. It’s been illusive since the night of my surgery, with pain now accompanied by fear. It’s exhausting. I love you with a full heart. xo

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    • I thought it would be fun for you all seeing me have a wee meltdown. I come right pretty quick and it always makes me feel better to have gotten the panic out of my system. My poor kids get the brunt though 😀 Thank you for the hugs, they are good. Breath the fear away, focus on what is right and good about right now and you’ll not only sleep well but heal faster too. This pandemic may well turn out to be a blessing in disguise – our job is to survive it with grace if we can and see what the world requires to become a healthier place for us all. Big warm hug dear Alys xoxo

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      • Sometimes a meltdown is in order to clear our minds and bodies of stress. I’ve been raving a good cry lately after this week, but alas, it’s not to be. I am stretching my entire body everymorning first thing and that has been a boon. There will be many positives from this pandemic, but it will be awhile before we fully appreicate what that is.

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        • A good cry always helps clear the air doesn’t it. A dear friend of mine once made me watch a sad movie when she knew I was right on the edge and grimly holding myself together. It completely undid me and I howled – I howled uncontrollably and years of pain poured out, which then made space for me to heal. It is a lesson I have never forgotten!! I still do it now when I feel the need. Now it is just a ladylike wee weep that ensues, it is all that is needed to clear my soul…….

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          • You’ve had many wise friends over the years, Pauline, and you are one of my wises friends to date. There is a cetain song I can sing that almost always brings on the tears. Howling is primal and necessary. I did a lot of deep painful crying around my dad, and it too eventually put me on a better road.

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  24. That’s pretty much the reaction I had. I’ve been busy today making substitutes for paper towels that I use for my big coughs. My pockets are always full of them and sometimes they get laundered nicely so why not make them out of the yards of cheap toweling I have on hand. We are officially on lockdown as well. it’s going to take a month to get an order from Amazon where it would normally be here is a couple of days. CRISIS??? How silly. I am stocked as well as can be and if I run out of anything? Well, we will see how creative we can be. 😉 I’m mostly sad because this hurts the small business people and those living hand to mouth the most. Even those that never get the virus, pay. So we get to whine for a bit then we have to get back to the work of it. I’m lucky to have Heather here. She is loving working from home. We are grateful she hasn’t been furloughed. I’m grateful things are not worse but that doesn’t make me not want to stomp my feet like a two year old. We will get through this together, all of us bloggers. Hot chocolate sounds really good. Mmmm. 😉 Hugs and love. M

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    • Don’t things work out perfectly in the end? You have Heather with you for companionship and comfort and support – you will help each other get through this. I’m sorry your government isn’t lending a hand to people who have small businesses and people who depend on their jobs to eat and pay their bills and rent. We are being helped here to ensure as few as possible face hardship. Some will need to tighten their belts, but they wore them pretty loose in the first place. It’s a changing world, part of the change is that expectations and entitlements will also have to change. Here I see signs of an equalising taking place in what is being offered. It is most interesting to observe. Let’s enjoy what we can of these days in isolation, make stuff, read, watch movies, listen to music and talk to friends. Doesn’t that sound like heaven? ❤

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      • Yes, it does sound like heaven. I’m also grateful that company will come a little later in the year. I couldn’t get outside in all the winter rain to clean up the yards. I’m getting it done a bit at a time now. I would have been raining the whole time they were here the first and second week of April. I believe the Universe aligns to make things better even if it looks worse to some. 😉 I think we have the inside scoop. Hugs.

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  25. Oh, Pauline, have an enormous virtual hug!
    We’re still trailing you. Businesses closed except for the essential ones. Post office and library still open, schools still open (for now, but term ends soon). I went and did the things I thought of yesterday, including filling both our scripts and getting some new library books in. But I didn’t rack my brains trying to conceive of future problems. Sufficient unto the day… The fridge is full, the pantry is sufficiently stocked but not stuffed. I have dry dog food for months and there’s fabric in my cupboard and scraps to last me till 2025 at leas… It’s enough.
    I’m finding my mind floating lightly on top of the situation, refusing to sink into the morass. I’ve decided to be a leaf on the stream instead of the dam slowly being eroded by what cannot be helped. So long as I have the Husband, a home, Mouse and something to sew, I’ll be OK.

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    • I like you being a leaf on the stream – it’s a good way to be. I’m already back to calm and contented and quiet, like a fluffy white cloud on a perfect summer day….. ❤ 24 hours to go and this part of the world will fall very still and very quiet.

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      • Here, they’ve just announced a ramping up of the restrictions, but not a full lock down yet. I’m so glad you’re feeling a little more calm and in control – so much more conducive to creativity 🙂

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  26. Man, we’re all going through the same things. Anxiety, need to get certain things done, which may vary, and then to settle in. It’s scary, but we can try to stay calm and just maybe take advantage of not being able to run around. I hope things go well , and Siddy gets lots of hugs.

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  27. Oh, Siddy, you are so gorgeous. Tell your slave to just sit down and cuddle you when she’s feeling uptight. Minx (my cat) has finally accepted that this is one of her purposes in life … receiving cuddles.

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    • Quite right – I’m always telling myself to pay attention to the pup who lives in the moment and enjoys every possible ounce of it. Except when treats aren’t forthcoming, but then there’s new hope born the next second… I’m just slower on the uptake 🙂

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  28. I’m pleased you’re back at home, safely snuggled, and content. Your daughters are right. Birthday celebrations can wait. What is important now is to keep ourselves and each other safe. Take care, my lovely. Let’s see this thing through.

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  29. Light those oil …. Breath slowly … Slow deep inhale …. long slow exhale. Repeat as long as necessary.

    Go to the grocery early in the morning. Concentrate on your immediate needs. No need to buy 100 cans of beans. At home, concentrate on your crafts, Do not become fixed on the news.

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